I’m not trying to rub in that you said something that offended someone, or anything like that. But you had made a strong comment and said something you really seemed to believe. Then when challenged, though, you claimed that it was just a joke. You called it “humor.” Maybe it was a humorous way of saying something, but it was also a point that you seemed to really be trying to make. posted by salvia at 1:25 PM on
This exchange has me wondering whether you are wrapping up too many things into the term “sense of humor,” and whether you are thinking that the problem is different senses of humor when the real turn-off might be some of your beliefs and attitudes about women and/or relationships
Just so you have another opinion, that wouldn’t put me off at all. Actually, if you said that to me, I’d be interested to hear the rest of the story. Hell, I have a “dead kitten in the freezer” story myself. posted by MexicanYenta at 8:00 PM on
Although honestly, okcupid’s not so bad for finding those who like the dark side of life; just don’t look too long at the profiles that don’t interest you. Search for the ones that do.
I honestly think the matching system is pretty good, and if you answer enough questions honestly you’ll match up well with people who share a similarly misanthropic outlook. I certainly have. Although this could be down to living in a major capital city – there are simply more people out there.
I totally know what you mean about being bored with Miss “I’m very laid back and like to go with the flow, I like all kinds of music, friends and family are very important to me.” They’re on every dating site, but OKCupid is the best site I’ve found for avoiding them. posted by Jaltcoh at 5:32 AM on
OP, I think you’re getting hung up on superficial types and labels here. It seems like you’ve decided you have a “dark” sense of humor (“and then they exploded” sounds more silly than dark to me, honestly) and now you’re looking for superficialities that you think match up to your personality traits. Have you been to a Bauhaus concert recently? All kinds of people are there. Lots of people in black, certainly, but also lots of people that are perfectly normal looking. Not really. (Anecdotally, some of the most earnest and unfunny people I recently met were goth-esque, clove smoking men that worked at a corset makers.) Look for personality traits that match yours. And if you really like the look of subculture-y people too, start going out to events and seeing bands where those people go and get to know some of them.
Blanket generalities and assumptions do not get a man laid (or engaged or whatever sweet middle you’re looking for.) Not a woman on earth wants to hear “I don’t know how to. ” out of a potential partner. Try. Fail. Be a better and more interesting person for it. posted by griphus at AM on [1 favorite]
Hell, I happen to have several awesome gothy friends in the Bay area. If you want, I’ll ask if I can give you their contact info, and maybe they can introduce you to some of their friends, and so on, and with a little luck and effort you’ll be off and running. Memail me if interested.
Can you make assumptions about the sense of humor of any of these people, black garbed or otherwise?
Maybe you think my advice is too pessimistic or too focused on numbers. But let’s be clear that no one, as far as I can tell, is saying goths in their 40s are juvenile or non-existent. posted by Jaltcoh at 3:50 PM on
You claim your difficulty in meeting women is because of your sense of humor. Over there, you tell an older guy trying to find a younger woman to date that he “really [doesn’t] have much chance at all unless [he’s] *astonishingly* good looking or drive a Bentley.” Someone took offense, said she has never cared about her boyfriend’s car and that “women are not Pavlov’s dogs, trained to drool at the first sniff of money and power, and i find the suggestion really quite offensive.” Your response was “Look, let’s just drop the Bentley thing, OK? I was trying to use humor to make a point.”